A few months back, while avoiding revision, I sat back in my PC chair and looked forward to leaving education behind – the future looked so bright and I felt a sense of excitement yet nervousness at the overload of fun I was about to encounter. With a full time job waiting for me and a girlfriend who was patiently waiting for claws of exam period to release me – I was on the verge of freedom, the home straight to the adult live I had heard so much about and anxiously awaited.

Yet here I am, back in education, studying for another year, with my girlfriend 100 miles away and my next source of income even further. A concept was once explained to me: You can travel a journey further than the eye can see as you only need to be able to see what’s directly in front of you in order to proceed. The idea that you don’t have a clear path in sight, and all that’s important is you handling the current step, encouraged me, and at a time when my financial situation couldn’t be worse, I borrowed more and signed up to study for my MSC in Web Technology here at Southampton University.

This is my first time leaving home and surprisingly I’ve found myself coping rather well – the first three days were tough and it’s all down to expecting far too much. I expected to walk onto the set of Big Brother, I wanted to stumble into my halls of residence and have to climb over drunken bodies, wipe vomit from the toilet seat before taking a piss and go on a hunt for the door to my room after discovering someone had rode it like a surfboard down a flight of stairs.

I wanted to find my milk had been drunk, that my PC had been sold on eBay, to find someone walking around in my underwear, to be woken at 3am by a hall mate who’s naked and wants to know who nicked their towel while in the shower. All these stories of life in the halls clearly gave me an unrealistic expectation – maybe I should have known that postgraduates have been there and done it, and that’s where my problem lies. I lived at home during my undergraduate and the highlight was probably the apple crumble I prepared on a late Wednesday in July, seriously, mum loved it.

I’ve been placed into a social experiment – it was not told to me at the time of joining, a small warning would have gone down a treat. 90% of my hall mates and course buddies are international students. I love a bit of variation in my day and there’s no doubt a huge aspect of university life is the social side, yet when conversation struggled beyond asking where someone is from and what course they are studying – it’s hard to be optimistic, and even harder to avoid awkward silences. I’ve learnt to cope and in all honesty, the people I’m surrounded by are genuine warm people, having to accept a lower standard of conversation is do-able, especially when the cuisine I’ve been introduced to is as good as it is.

But here I am faced with a bigger challenge than putting a man on the moon – difference is, I can’t fake it. The banks don’t like me, my credit history is on life support and I couldn’t obtain a Careers Development Loan – so how can I afford my MSc? Simple, I can’t. My first installments were paid by a close friend who was able to help. Now my maths are dodgy but here’s my current situation:

Money in account: £12
Money to raise by January: £2695
Money still left to raise: £2683

Now the ceiling in my student room is not high enough to kill myself, and I haven’t been gym in two months -  my body isn’t worth half as much,  so I’m having to explore other options. We have a helpful system here at Southampton called the Student Temp Bank, they offer temporary work to students. Only problem is they have no work to offer at the moment. Such a tease. So another day brings another goal for me: to raise £2500 in two months. If you happen to have this amount – do get in touch. Thank you.

Usually my gut instinct kicks in by this time, give it a minute.

• Previous Entry: Tired of an old position
• Next Entry: Eminem on Road to Recovery?