I was born as James, it is the name on my birth certificate and any other important documents, yet I’m known by everyone I met up till university as Tony – at which point I decided to go by my official name.  I’m a man of the night, like nothing better than jumping in the car after midnight and seeing where the road takes me – he who goes by two names does not function too well in the instance where the law is concerned….

I’ve got 99 problems…

It was 3am and I was driving at walking pace in an effort to conserve petrol (which does not work, you go the same distance, it just takes a lot longer to get there) – when I heard a short siren. A quick glance in my rear view confirmed it was indeed a police car, helpfully it said so on the bonnet, instantly dispelling the chance of it being an ice cream van.

The policeman strolls over, I give my most innocent smile (the kind I haven’t pulled off since school portrait photos) and I ask “everything alright officer?” – my voice increasing in pitch at such a speed it must have seemed like I was breaking into song. Ignoring my friendly ice breaker, he questions why I’m out at such a time,  the tone of his voice making it sound like an order. I’ve seen too many movies and heard too many horror stories to relax in such a situation, wondering if what I say may be taken in as evidence I begin to ponder what my rights are in this situation. I respond in the most casual manner “just err, making my way home”, throwing a yawn to show I’m tired so am obviously heading home to sleep.

I have a stutter at the best of times and given the circumstance it went into overdrive, my stutter developed a stutter of its own which never helped the officers suspicious. I suddenly felt like a criminal and was convinced I was going to be thrown in a cell, or worse – have my bottom grabbed. Thinking my MOT had expired, I was eager to get back in the car when the questions suddenly got personal – he asked my name.

This one was easy, I looked him in the eye, feeling proud like this was an exam question I had revised for – “Tony” I responded with a sure nod. I was then asked for my licence, I reached into my wallet when it hit me – officially I am James, as the officer was about to realise. I handed it over and patiently waited…

He returned from his vehicle minutes later, told me to have a safe night and then sent me on my way. I hopped back in the car and sped away feeling like I have someone looking over me, till I ran out of petrol and found myself stranded in darkness – suddenly realising I preferred the police presence.

Call Me

So my ‘ordeal’ turned out to be a regular routine check but it’s one of many examples where having two names could become an issue.  And if your name holds a lot more strength than a mere label – what are the effects of essentially being split between two? I’m yet to confirm who I am.

So why Tony? Partly as mother preferred it, obvious right? Maybe not. But where does that leave me? Will I forever have to balance both names? Should I select one? Would it be easier getting friends to adjust to James or having all official documentation updated as Tony? According to my sister I’ll always be ‘little Tony’, which is awfully patronising but wonderfully amiable. What would you do in such a position?

When it comes to name meanings, Tony is ‘worthy of praise’ while James has the denotation ‘supplanter’ – which has the definition of ‘one who wrongfully or illegally seizes and holds the place of another’. So it turns out I’m pretty versatile – do speak well of me, but do so from afar as I can’t be trusted.