I’ve got a problem in the bedroom that I’d like to share with you. For years I have tried to find the right position, have tried all sorts of props and even resorted to using the living room sofa. I’ve talked things through with my girlfriend and together we’ve sometimes managed it, but alone? Never – I simply can’t sleep in any other position than with face down and my body positioned at the edge of the bed.
At various stages of my life I have given a good attempt to sleeping face up. I’ve tried counting sheep, yet after the first few hundred, I can’t help but wonder where these sheep are coming from and where they are going, I can’t help but think they could be put to better use. I’m also convinced certain sheep are having more than one go at jumping the fence, I can’t tell them apart and it frustrates me. I’m not even convinced that sheep can jump, yet I am certain they can bite – I’m yet to get feeling back in my left hand.
So what other methods are there to assist in the process of falling asleep and what were the results?
Comfortable clothing – For most this shouldn’t be an issue, the majority of us don’t sleep in a suit or straight jacket, yet I have given this consideration and even tried sleeping naked – with no luck. Sleeping naked is a wonderful idea, free from restriction and pure as nature intended, but the idea is not as appealing when you have a cat in the house, I’ve seen what he has done to the sofa.
Clearing the mind – This is an obvious technique but bear with me, there’s more to it and surprisingly it is one which has worked for me. The idea is that the major factor in keeping us awake are our current thoughts, whether it be work related – or related to our relevant relatives for example. So by separating ourselves from our thinking mind, we can detach those thoughts and enter a calming state where sleep can indecently expose itself and take over. The fact that we are aware of our thinking shows there is a process in between our body and our thoughts, so the elements are separated.
So here’s how I got this idea to work for me, it may sound a little crazy but remember there was a time when we all thought the world was flat. To let you in on a little secret, I knew it was round all along but I never wrote it down, so people refuse to believe me. The steps:
1) Lie in bed in your chosen position and give a quick thought to the issues you are currently facing and the various thoughts running through your mind
2) Mentally place all these thoughts in a black circle
3) Now picture yourself in space and floating away from that circle, into an abyss of silence. Imagine soaring in a vacuum, total barrenness and inanity. In the back of your mind you are aware of that black circle and all your thoughts, but continue mentally floating away from it. The action should begin to relax your mind, loosen your body and prepare you a peaceful nights rest.
Do a low intensity activity – As a child I remember reading that exercise before sleep is a good idea. Tiring yourself out for a much needed recharge yet jumping into bed panting and soaked from the sweat you refuse to acknowledge certainly goes against the ideal sleeping conditions. An activity requiring little effort is a far better option and examples include: reading a book, playing solitaire, watching a relaxing TV show, solving a Rubik’s cube and filing paper. Although if your finances are in a state like mind, filing paper could be a bad idea, each bank statement I come across leaves me awake for weeks at a time.
But this is a technique that has worked for me previously – I’d personally recommend a textbook of some kind, a win-win situation as it you don’t fall asleep soon enough, you’d be well on your way to becoming the smartest sleep-deprived man in the country.
Now the latter two techniques are certainly helpful for those who cannot fall asleep at all yet the problem here is I can fall asleep in one position, but I have a dream of being able to sleep face up. Now I know I’m outdone here by Martin Luther King’s dream, I’m prepared to admit his is far more poignant but although trivial to many, sleep position is an important issue.
Very occasionally I manage to persuade my girlfriend to stay with me, usually by convincing her I’m seriously ill and may not live till the end of the week. Luckily she falls for it every time, but sooner or later it’ll come true and it will be her that will cause the end of me. But without losing man points here (I have a small amount I’d like to hang onto), we all like a bit of snuggle time every now and then and as lovely as it feels to have and hold a loved one so close – the joy is short lived when you realise you are going to have to sacrifice a night’s sleep for the luxury.
So quite seriously, I plan to somehow force or teach my body to be able to sleep face up. Now I know this is possible as within minutes of waking up in the morning, we as humans are able to sleep in any position. My friend took this fact a little far and managed to sleep upside down, though I’m not sure if it was only him blacking out. To complicate matters, I am able to fall asleep face up on the afore mentioned living room sofa – the difference? My body is too long for the sofa so my legs are propped up. Now I’ve tried placing pillows and pets under my knees to replicate this, but no luck as of yet.
Thankfully I am doing this by choice, there are many not so convenient reasons to change sleeping position, whether it is due to a broken arm for example or pregnancy, I currently suffer from neither. A browse on the internet shows others have wanted to achieve the same: http://ask.metafilter.com/51596/Sleep-Position yet there doesn’t seem to be a working method out there.
The techniques mentioned above require patience and are for falling asleep in positions you should be used to – in this case I’m trying to readjust after 21 years of perfecting the facedown sleep. So after months of preparation I’ve come up with a solution: lie face up and wait.
As night falls, the challenge begins
As my Masters Degree is just around the corner, I have a week break and my plan is dive in head first and go to bed as normal tonight with one major change: I shall lie face up, a pillow under my knees to ease the transition and will simply wait for sleep to pay me a visit. Now my body is not ready for this, I have no trained paramedics on standby so I’m sure you can appreciate how mightily brave I’m being, David Blaine must be kicking himself. But I will give this a go and if it means I get literally no sleep for a night or two, then so be it – I refuse to back down and be beaten, beaten by myself.
The process starts tonight! All my family and friends, I love (the majority of) you.
If this does not go well, I very well may be a little tired tomorrow but let it be known I’m not doing this just for me, I’m doing this for all of us…. I’m doing this for you.
I shall post back in a few days with an update, do check back!
It is said a man makes his own luck, I may be too tired to do so. Maybe I just need a new mattress….
