The Eminem Show, from slums to center stage you took off the mask and gave us a peek at what it was like to be the biggest rapper on the planet. I’ll discuss the legendary trilogy at a later date, keep that ego in check for a second – tell me what happened next? Don’t look away, stop fiddling and don’t mumble. Had trouble sleeping did we? As far as problems go, you’ve suffered worse previously, haven’t you? Don’t shrug, aren’t those the same shoulders that held up so much but wouldn’t budge? You’re a soldier remember…

So what came next? Encore, The Re-Up and Curtain Call strung together with a plethora of verses featured on other artists albums. I won’t list them, and not because I choose not to remember. Like a broken relationship that you cling onto in remembrance of those rare moments of joy – times where the wait and patience were justified, as fans we took hit after hit. Yet ‘Love You More’ to this day is my favourite Eminem song, everything from the beat to the twisted reality of the Eminem and Kim story that would have sent the strongest of souls down a path of destruction.

No Apologies – a final verse reminding us that he needs music more than Hip Hop needs him, an outlet for an artist who gained success in the portrayal of his own failures. When I’m Gone announced the death of Slim Shady, but what we’re we left with? Many moons passed without so much as a squeak from the Shady camp, a draught of such magnitude that another fart laced record would have almost had been welcome as a measure for demonstrating signs of life.

Come 2009 we were handed Relapse which I considered a strong album. Importantly, the sharpness in the lyrics were back, the rhyming schemes and attention to detail were of a caliber arguably not seen since the early days of the first major releases. But the album was the equivalent of a jimmy Page warm up drill, we had all the talent in the world being displayed – but it had been years, countless events such as the tragic passing of Proof and we wanted to hear his thoughts. Instead we were given a week in the life of a serial killer. So much blood but ultimately so little substance – each track a page of a book so harsh and vivid that a repeat reading wouldn’t be necessary.

A career cannot be summarised in a few paragraphs, and it was not my attempt, yet I’ve said that to say this: it’s a special time to be an Eminem fan. A change of direction was signalled with Forever, continued with Drop The World, took a leap with Airplanes Part 2 and arrived at our current destination: Not Afraid. As a single it’s strong. The irresistibly generic beat, the anthem of a chorus and smooth flow all contribute. But it’s the self reflection and acknowledgment that give the impression of an artist confidently in the zone. He proudly says “no more drama from now on I promise to focus solely on handling my responsibility’s as a father”, with some fans fearing the emergence of a born again christian that’ll send Will Smith rushing to confession. Once the King of Controversy, to provoke as much emotion this year but of a positive kind would be interesting to see. Many believe Recovery will continue on from where The Eminem Show left off, yet I’m anticipating the 2010 Infinite. Strip away the label pressures, the shock value requirements, the celebrity gimmicks, the misdirected anger and we’re left with a man who with a passion for rhyming wanting little more than the respect of his peers.

For the first time in years, it no longer feels like Eminem is playing catch up. The fire may have expired at 30, but the darkest hour is the one before dawn and the future is looking bright… Recovery, June 22nd.

Yet here I am, back in education, studying for another year, with my girlfriend 100 miles away and my next source of income even further. A concept was once explained to me: You can travel a journey further than the eye can see as you only need to be able to see what’s directly in front of you in order to proceed. The idea that you don’t have a clear path in sight, and all that’s important is you handling the current step, encouraged me, and at a time when my financial situation couldn’t be worse, I borrowed more and signed up to study for my MSC in Web Technology here at Southampton University.

This is my first time leaving home and surprisingly I’ve found myself coping rather well – the first three days were tough and it’s all down to expecting far too much. I expected to walk onto the set of Big Brother, I wanted to stumble into my halls of residence and have to climb over drunken bodies, wipe vomit from the toilet seat before taking a piss and go on a hunt for the door to my room after discovering someone had rode it like a surfboard down a flight of stairs.

I wanted to find my milk had been drunk, that my PC had been sold on eBay, to find someone walking around in my underwear, to be woken at 3am by a hall mate who’s naked and wants to know who nicked their towel while in the shower. All these stories of life in the halls clearly gave me an unrealistic expectation – maybe I should have known that postgraduates have been there and done it, and that’s where my problem lies. I lived at home during my undergraduate and the highlight was probably the apple crumble I prepared on a late Wednesday in July, seriously, mum loved it.

But here I am faced with a bigger challenge than putting a man on the moon – difference is, I can’t fake it. The banks don’t like me, my credit history is on life support and I couldn’t obtain a Careers Development Loan – so how can I afford my MSc? Simple, I can’t. My first installments were paid by a close friend who was able to help. Now my maths are dodgy but here’s my current situation:

Money in account: £12
Money to raise by January: £2695
Money still left to raise: £2683

Now the ceiling in my student room is not high enough to kill myself, and I haven’t been gym in two months -  my body isn’t worth half as much,  so I’m having to explore other options. We have a helpful system here at Southampton called the Student Temp Bank, they offer temporary work to students. Only problem is they have no work to offer at the moment. Such a tease. So another day brings another goal for me: to raise £2500 in two months. If you happen to have this amount – do get in touch. Thank you.

Usually my gut instinct kicks in by this time, give it a minute.

At  various stages of my life I have given a good attempt to sleeping face up. I’ve tried counting sheep, yet after the first few hundred, I can’t help but wonder where these sheep are coming from and where they are going, I can’t help but think they could be put to better use. I’m also convinced certain sheep are having more than one go at jumping the fence, I can’t tell them apart and it frustrates me. I’m not even convinced that sheep can jump, yet I am certain they can bite – I’m yet to get feeling back in my left hand.

So what other methods are there to assist in the process of falling asleep and what were the results?

Comfortable clothing – For most this shouldn’t be an issue, the majority of us don’t sleep in a suit or straight jacket, yet I have given this consideration and even tried sleeping naked – with no luck. Sleeping naked is a wonderful idea, free from restriction and pure as nature intended, but the idea is not as appealing when you have a cat in the house, I’ve seen what he has done to the sofa.

Clearing the mind – This is an obvious technique but bear with me, there’s more to it and surprisingly it is one which has worked for me. The idea is that the major factor in keeping us awake are our current  thoughts, whether it be work related – or related to our relevant relatives for example. So by separating ourselves from our thinking mind, we can detach those thoughts and enter a calming state where sleep can indecently expose itself and take over. The fact that we are aware of our thinking shows there is a process in between our body and our thoughts, so the elements are separated.

So here’s how I got this idea to work for me, it may sound a little crazy but remember there was a time when we all thought the world was flat. To let you in on a little secret, I knew it was round all along but I never wrote it down, so people refuse to believe me. The steps:

1) Lie in bed in your chosen position and give a quick thought to the issues you are currently facing and the various thoughts running through your mind

2) Mentally place all these thoughts in a black circle

3) Now picture yourself in space and floating away from that circle, into an abyss of silence. Imagine soaring in a vacuum, total barrenness and inanity. In the back of your mind you are aware of that black circle and all your thoughts, but continue mentally floating away from it. The action should begin to relax your mind, loosen your body and prepare you a peaceful nights rest.

Do a low intensity activity – As a child I remember reading that exercise before sleep is a good idea. Tiring yourself out for a much needed recharge yet jumping into bed panting and soaked from the sweat you refuse to acknowledge certainly goes against the ideal sleeping conditions. An activity requiring little effort is a far better option and examples include: reading a book, playing solitaire, watching a relaxing TV show, solving a Rubik’s cube and filing paper. Although if your finances are in a state like mind, filing paper could be a bad idea, each bank statement I come across leaves me awake for weeks at a time.

But this is a technique that has worked for me previously – I’d personally recommend a textbook of some kind, a win-win situation as it you don’t fall asleep soon enough, you’d be well on your way to becoming the smartest sleep-deprived man in the country.

Now the latter two techniques are certainly helpful for those who cannot fall asleep at all yet the problem here is I can fall asleep in one position, but I have a dream of being able to sleep face up. Now I know I’m outdone here by Martin Luther King’s dream, I’m prepared to admit his is far more poignant but although trivial to many, sleep position is an important issue.

Very occasionally I manage to persuade my girlfriend to stay with me, usually by convincing her I’m seriously ill and may not live till the end of the week. Luckily she falls for it every time, but sooner or later it’ll come true and it will be her that will cause the end of me. But without losing man points here (I have a small amount I’d like to hang onto), we all like a bit of snuggle time every now and then and as lovely as it feels to have and hold a loved one so close – the joy is short lived when you realise you are going to have to sacrifice a night’s sleep for the luxury.

So quite seriously, I plan to somehow force or teach my body to be able to sleep face up. Now I know this is possible as within minutes of waking up in the morning, we as humans are able to sleep in any position. My friend took this fact a little far and managed to sleep upside down, though I’m not sure if it was only him blacking out. To complicate matters, I am able to fall asleep face up on the afore mentioned living room sofa – the difference? My body is too long for the sofa so my legs are propped up. Now I’ve tried placing pillows and pets under my knees to replicate this, but no luck as of yet.

Thankfully I am doing this by choice, there are many not so convenient reasons to change sleeping position, whether it is due to a broken arm for example or pregnancy, I currently suffer from neither. A browse on the internet shows others have wanted to achieve the same: http://ask.metafilter.com/51596/Sleep-Position yet there doesn’t seem to be a working method out there.

The techniques mentioned above require patience and are for falling asleep in positions you should be used to – in this case I’m trying to readjust after 21 years of perfecting the facedown sleep. So after months of preparation I’ve come up with a solution: lie face up and wait.

As night falls, the challenge begins

As my Masters Degree is just around the corner, I have a week break and my plan is dive in head first and go to bed as normal tonight with one major change: I shall lie face up, a pillow under my knees to ease the transition and will simply wait for sleep to pay me a visit. Now my body is not ready for this, I have no trained paramedics on standby so I’m sure you can appreciate how mightily brave I’m being, David Blaine must be kicking himself. But I will give this a go and if it means I get literally no sleep for a night or two, then so be it – I refuse to back down and be beaten, beaten by myself.

The process starts tonight! All my family and friends, I love (the majority of) you.

If this does not go well, I very well may be a little tired tomorrow but let it be known I’m not doing this just for me, I’m doing this for all of us…. I’m doing this for you.

I shall post back in a few days with an update, do check back!

It is said a man makes his own luck, I may be too tired to do so. Maybe I just need a new mattress….

The peak age for the 100m is apparently 28, which gives me a good 7 years to collect my excuses should I fail. Athletics also seems to have the lowest barriers to entry of any field – after all, there is no interview, no portfolio to demonstrate, no previous work experience required. If you can show Mr ‘UK Athletics Official Body’ that you can go the distance in a shorter time than any other UK resident – surely they’ll give you a water bottle, pocket money for your expenses and do there best to squeeze what they can out of you till the event comes?

So what proof do I have of being fast? What is my current best time? I have been recorded, yet without a stop watch, my little brother seems confident that I have managed 9.3 seconds, he counted while tapping his foot for consistency, and if I can’t trust him, then who do I have in this world? I haven’t missed the bus in years – and when I did, I continued to run a good mile down the road to look as if it was my intention to run it.

Training for the 100m

Thankfully the training involved for becoming the worlds fastest man is inline with my other fitness goals – my ideal physique would be exactly that of a 100m runner and my goal of being able to do the splits will only result in less chance of injury and the chance for an extravagant celebration once I do get gold in 2012.

The goal of any 100m training programme is to reach your top speed as soon as possible and maintain it for the full distance. Other factors include the amount of strides you take and the length of each stride – the former you have little control over, but the latter can be worked on and the trick is to find the optimum length. Too short and you are not making the most of each stride, too long and it’ll limit your speed.

So I’m going to incorporate 100m training into my exercise schedule and see where it takes me. Do I expect to become the worlds greatest? No. But then, as my father says: “If you reach for the stars, at least if you miss you’ll land on the clouds”. Everyone else says it too, but it means more coming from a relative, he’s a lovely chap. I’m going to record my current time and keep you all updated, next week will be a post detailing my current training programme along with the 100m training resources I come across.

Alright, gotta dash….

Genius.

I was born as James, it is the name on my birth certificate and any other important documents, yet I’m known by everyone I met up till university as Tony – at which point I decided to go by my official name.  I’m a man of the night, like nothing better than jumping in the car after midnight and seeing where the road takes me – he who goes by two names does not function too well in the instance where the law is concerned….

I’ve got 99 problems…

It was 3am and I was driving at walking pace in an effort to conserve petrol (which does not work, you go the same distance, it just takes a lot longer to get there) – when I heard a short siren. A quick glance in my rear view confirmed it was indeed a police car, helpfully it said so on the bonnet, instantly dispelling the chance of it being an ice cream van.

The policeman strolls over, I give my most innocent smile (the kind I haven’t pulled off since school portrait photos) and I ask “everything alright officer?” – my voice increasing in pitch at such a speed it must have seemed like I was breaking into song. Ignoring my friendly ice breaker, he questions why I’m out at such a time,  the tone of his voice making it sound like an order. I’ve seen too many movies and heard too many horror stories to relax in such a situation, wondering if what I say may be taken in as evidence I begin to ponder what my rights are in this situation. I respond in the most casual manner “just err, making my way home”, throwing a yawn to show I’m tired so am obviously heading home to sleep.

I have a stutter at the best of times and given the circumstance it went into overdrive, my stutter developed a stutter of its own which never helped the officers suspicious. I suddenly felt like a criminal and was convinced I was going to be thrown in a cell, or worse – have my bottom grabbed. Thinking my MOT had expired, I was eager to get back in the car when the questions suddenly got personal – he asked my name.

This one was easy, I looked him in the eye, feeling proud like this was an exam question I had revised for – “Tony” I responded with a sure nod. I was then asked for my licence, I reached into my wallet when it hit me – officially I am James, as the officer was about to realise. I handed it over and patiently waited…

He returned from his vehicle minutes later, told me to have a safe night and then sent me on my way. I hopped back in the car and sped away feeling like I have someone looking over me, till I ran out of petrol and found myself stranded in darkness – suddenly realising I preferred the police presence.

Call Me

So my ‘ordeal’ turned out to be a regular routine check but it’s one of many examples where having two names could become an issue.  And if your name holds a lot more strength than a mere label – what are the effects of essentially being split between two? I’m yet to confirm who I am.

So why Tony? Partly as mother preferred it, obvious right? Maybe not. But where does that leave me? Will I forever have to balance both names? Should I select one? Would it be easier getting friends to adjust to James or having all official documentation updated as Tony? According to my sister I’ll always be ‘little Tony’, which is awfully patronising but wonderfully amiable. What would you do in such a position?

When it comes to name meanings, Tony is ‘worthy of praise’ while James has the denotation ‘supplanter’ – which has the definition of ‘one who wrongfully or illegally seizes and holds the place of another’. So it turns out I’m pretty versatile – do speak well of me, but do so from afar as I can’t be trusted.